day one

Today, December 4th is my first tobacco free day in many, many years. I have had an emotional day. When my feet hit the floor at 7:50 a.m. I thought of a cigarette. It was my first thought of the day. I got up and knew that today was not gonna be easy. I walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a can of Coke. I than looked at my patio doors. I wanted to pull the drapery back and step out onto my patio where I step when I first awake. I had opened my can of Coke and was ready to open my eyes with that first cigarette. It was than I began to mourn. I began to grieve. Normal people may not feel this way in this situation, but this is how I felt and feel. I have had a relationship with cigarettes for years. Before lunch time today, I know I consciously thought about smoking 45 times. After I played a couple games of solitaire on the computer I began to try and plan my day. Every thought that would come to my mind was I will do this, then I will smoke.